it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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