No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I currently don't understand fingers.
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