Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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