Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
