how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
