Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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