Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
