I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
