I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
