porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
