We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
