this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
