Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
