she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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