If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
