I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
