Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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