The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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