id be glad to
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
