exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He has the fingertips of a God
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
