Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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