I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
