3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
