so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
