Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
