I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
