I CAN MOONWALK!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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