take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
