dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
