which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
