tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
not ubering you a puppy
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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