she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
