remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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