like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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