Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
