oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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