I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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