You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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