god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
