Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
