My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
