I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
