woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
