sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
