remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Randomize
