I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
