i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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