I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
