Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
