Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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