I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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