Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
