Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
