No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
