Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
