I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
